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calledmelovely Cookleta remix challenge reveals are up, I wanted to try my hand at making a DVD commentary of Counting Down to Zero for ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
soverignthorn.
I’ve seen this kind of thing done really well before, and thought Kayla might enjoy seeing how (and which parts of) her original story Countdown inspired my remix; also that maybe my process might help someone else with remixing for Round 2?
(And, ngl, I hope my fellow remixers might indulge in DVD commentary also, because I would love to see their process as well! ETA: Okay, I think I soldaohatsu on doing this! \\\o///)
[Spoilers, obviously, are inherent in any DVD commentary, so caveat lector XD.]
BEHIND THE COUNTDOWN
Beta byaohatsu! TiMER the movie and all copyright material therein owned by Jac Shaeffer and Capewatch pictures. Cook & Archuleta own themselves. This is a not-for-profit fictional work.
Countdown issoverignthorn’s magnum opus, 20k of words written for rpf_big_bang. It’s based on the scifi romantic comedy TiMER, starring the lovely Buffy alum Emma Caulfield, about a device that counts down to the moment you meet your soul mate!
The themes of Kayla’s Countdown are the nature of love and soul-mates: whether love is a matter of predetermination or of choice? Of course, because Kayla is that good a writer and storyteller, she never beat anyone over the head with her themes, instead telling a linear, evocative story about how two people meet in a music store and fall in love the old-fashioned way without the help of TiMERS (her story is much better and makes much more sense than the movie itself, incidentally!).
I was excited to tackle Kayla’s themes, and to address the ethical and technical issues of the device itself (how does a countdown timer that counts down to the point that the customer meets his soul-mate even work?). I knew the emotional climax of the story that I wanted to tell hit a related theme: in order for soul-mates to exist, you need to believe in souls, and in some kind of permanence of love despite the passage of time and life itself.
Also, I wanted to try a non-linear narrative which the counting-down motif seemed to cry out for, which told the story via short cut-scenes that moved around in time while counting down to the climax of the story. (And, okay, I admit I just wanted to reference the non-linear narrative in DCook’s Come Back to Me video!)
For this remix, I was privileged enough to work withlindensphinx and frackin_sweet.
Linden is new to AIS7 RPF, but not to remix. I was most nervous about my non-linear narrative – I’d never tried something like that before, and wasn’t sure if it was confusing or contrived? Linden helped reassure me that my meta games were appropriate for the story, and worked with me as I wrote my scenes, moving back and forth between the original-story-future and its past, trying to build up the tension in the narrative and then defuse it at the next segment until the story finally reaches its climax in ONE and zeroes out. If you think the ebb-and-flow narrative succeeds, it’s in most part thanks to her.
And my Frack just needs to hold my hand and beta everything I write ♥. (It’s also thanks to her that I can actually spell “Juilliard”.)
TEN:
Zero minus 14 years
My set-up scene!
In Kayla’s original, she starts her exposition 1,000 words and two scenes in with Dave and Andrew Cook talking about getting their TiMERS when they’re teenagers.
As such, I wanted to open my story with Cook and Archie in the past, and what their attitudes on TiMERS and love were as kids. It also helped me work in Kayla’s back-story about Cook’s parents (who met when their TiMERS zeroed out) and Archie’s parents (who split up when Archie’s dad sneaked off to get a TiMER).
Kayla also has this key scene when Cook and Archie are hanging out for the first time, and then the TiMER advert comes on, all soft-focus with the tagline ”Take the guesswork out of love!”, and I wrote that into this scene.
I also got a plug in about Archie’s church. I mean, if TiMER tech was this widespread in the US, you’d expect organised religion to have a view about it, right?
Your destined spouse and eternal family is supposed to be all part of God’s divine plan – it isn’t something that science can predict for you. But secretly David wonders about that. He believes souls exist, that God has really picked someone for you to love for the rest of your life. And if that’s true, then it makes sense that science can prove it, right?
Lastly: one of Kayla’s things was how Cook and Archie connected through music. I wanted to follow that motif through my scenes in this story, and so I started here with Led Zep/OLP and Mraz/JFive.
NINE:
Zero plus 21 years
Prior to beta, this scene was one hot indigestible infodump
My TiMER exposition was recast via the boys’ adopted daughter Miranda, and hopefully the emotional connection made my exposition easier to swallow:
David isn't sure how to explain to their six-year-old the concept of “tiny little metal bands installed in each person’s wrist, powered by their body heat, that count down until the moment of their encounter with their designated soul-mate”. (Words in quotes from Kayla’s Dave/Andrew exposition scene.)
On the tech: I started from the basis that the tech was based on physiologically-discernable data, not a future-seeing Crystal Ball based on psychic things? I then hand-waved a premise that the tech would match the age-suitable people in the TiMER database, and scientifically predict when they were likely to meet (via a program that constantly self-corrected based on real-time info from a permanent satellite uplink).
HEY, IT’S THE BEST I COULD DO. THE MOVIE JUST HAND-WAVED EVERYTHING.
Also, because it’s Science and not Destiny, the tech just matches you to the most age- and location- appropriate person. You break up or get a divorce or just want a threesome? You just get the nice TiMER guys to reset your device and presto, you’ll get a(nother) match.
(As Kayla made clear, people don’t know this at the time of Countdown. Some folk are just naturally romantic and Want To Believe – it’s the diet of fairytales and Nicholas Sparks and Twilight. Hence the in-story general chest-beating when the Science is made public: e.g. Love and Soul-mates: Just a Myth?)
Is the TiMER tech available world-wide? If not, aren’t there Free Trade Agreement issues? Whatever – the more people from different countries come on-stream, the more matches you can get. It’s like 100% online dating!
And on the ethics: it’s one thing to sign a waiver of your privacy rights, even under a more intrusive government, but another for parents to do it for their teenagers. (I woulda expounded on the conspiracy theory that the government funded TiMER LLC for nefarious citizen-tracking/predicting purposes, starting the anti-TiMER blacklash you see in this scene, but Linden thought it would sidetrack the main narrative.)
Okay, I see everyone’s eyes glazing over already. SORRY. Back to THEME:
What David tells her is, "We thought TiMERs could help us be sure about love, kiddo, but seems it's not that easy." Nope, it isn’t.
EIGHT:
Zero minus 10 days
Two back-to-back scenes of the boys, before and after zeroing out.
First, a bar scene with the Anthemic that echoes the one in Kayla’s story where Cook sees Archie as a sexual being for the first time:
He doesn't see David again until that weekend, doesn't even think about the kid until Saturday night, when he and his band are up on that little stage in the back of his bar, reaching the end of their set and driving the crowd wild (people are actually pressed together on the floor, jumping and dancing and screaming, it's insane). Cook is singing his heart out into the mic, sweat pouring into his eyes; it's the best he's felt in weeks, this euphoric sensation, the utmost certainty that this is the one thing in his life that actually works.
He can see Andrew through the haze, mixing drinks behind the counter (theatrically as ever, twirling glasses and liquor bottles like a pro). He's talking animatedly to Carly (Cook knows Mike can't be far behind, then), sliding her a drink. She's got her arm slung over someone's shoulders; it's hard to see through the press of bodies, but they look familiar. A break in the crowd gives him an unobstructed view of a head of spiky black hair, and eyes -
Huge hazel eyes, looking directly at him.
To add to the emotional punch of that scene, I made this prequel-y, mirroring one. Cook’s also in a bar, performing, but he’s there with Kim and of course things aren’t right.
The music carries everyone like a tidal wave, Neal’s lead and Andy’s rhythm guitar carve duelling zigzag lines through the throbbing bass, laying down an electric map of their world for Cook to follow. And Cook does: riding the waves, cresting and falling and filled the utmost certainty that this is the best thing in his entire fucking life.
In this bar, on this stage, sweating and alive, Cook can forget about the thing in his life that doesn’t work.
Through a space in the crowd he sees Kimberly leaning against the bar counter, blonde hair falling over her bare shoulders. She sees him looking, blows him a kiss, and he lifts his hand to catch it.
Maybe things’ll be different with Kimberly. After two months of dating she’s told him she wants to get an implant, to try for that happily-ever-after with him.
But you know that when the boys segue into Lie it’s not gonna work with Kim...
Zero plus two weeks
…And then we move to Archie, post-meeting Cook at the Red Guitar.
Kayla wrote Countdown from a very tight Cook!POV, and I wanted to spend some time exploring how Archie’s doing after discovering that Cook has a TiMER.
Arch being Arch, there’s a lot going on with him, but he doesn’t tend to look deep down? This scene is important anyway: it sets the stage for Archie’s inner struggle in SIX, and his decision in FOUR.
I make more music motif stuff here – Ben Folds, Beethoven’s 14th, and of course, Stan Walker’s THEME-echoing I Will Choose to Love You.
SEVEN:
Zero plus 19 years
Okay, here I indulge my squeeing fangirl self-insert love. I’m not proud of it (but I’m not real proud, period). When I read this in the original exposition:
Drew tosses the pillow back at him, not bothering to get up from his undignified heap on the ground, limbs akimbo. "Hey! You don't hear me fucking complaining." He waves his arm in the air, the band around his wrist catching the light from the ceiling lamp. Cook nearly winces at the sight of it - he knows Drew catches it, sees the grin spread humorlessly across his face. "Forty-three, Dave. Fucking forty-three years old, and then there's my one. Only have to wait a couple decades. Perfect timing, huh?"
At least you know, Cook can't help but think, but he holds his tongue. No sense getting in another pointless fight over whose love life sucks worse.
Drew sighs, pulling himself onto the bed and collapsing beside Cook, thumping his feet (and his mud-encrusted shoes, no doubt) on his brother's bedsheets. "Look, he says, pillowing his head on his arms. "One of these days, your timer will go off. Your soulmate will prance into the clinic and finally get their implant, your eyes will meet across a crowded room and - bam! - true love. It'll be all rainbows and unicorns and puppies, corny shit like that. The end. Happily fucking ever after."
… instantly I knew I wanted to hook Drew up.
Who better for him than my future school-teacher friend, who wants to own a bookstore and live in DC? And whose wingman in Project Cookbros Chatting-Up, naturally, isaohatsu?
“I’ve waited for you for 43 years,” [Drew] says, and now the moment is here Cook actually thinks that line doesn’t sound too cheesy.
More musical motif! I picked At Last as the Drew/Kayla song. I hope you liked it, Kayla!
SIX:
Zero plus eight weeks
And here we are at the key crossroads scene. The first two paragraphs are almost totally lifted from Kayla’s original at 13,800 words in: Weeks go by in a blur and David’s friendship with Cook is becoming something more. In many ways nothing even really changes…
But of course, In other ways, though, everything totally changes.
As well it might: the guys are getting ready to take their relationship to The Next Level!
In Countdown, they do this by visiting Archie’s mom. First, Cook has this convo with himself about the state of their relationship, in the context of the TiMER/destiny discussion and what his other girlfriends have done:
He doesn't want to rush things, knows by experience how quickly things can snowball downhill if given half the chance, doesn't want that with David. It's... different, this time. He knows it, he's glad of it, knows the timers even have something to do with it. David never even mentions them, barely even glances at Cook's (Cook makes that easy enough, doesn't like the way David's eyes will darken at the sight of that band around his wrist, the way it makes the air around them thick with tension). He knows David will never drag him down to the TiMER clinic like his girlfriends in the past have always done, will probably never have a timer installed at all (feels relieved about that, more than he should, because if David were to get a timer, if it turned out that there was someone else out there, someone who wasn't Cook, someone else who was supposed to be with David, to kiss him and pull him close and listen to him sing... Cook doesn't want to think about it, doesn't even want to consider it.)
Then they go see Lupe, and Arch finally tells him the story about his dad, and Cook realises the emotional basis for Arch’s objection to getting a TiMER.
And then Cook and Arch have this conversation:
"I've had my timer for fourteen years." Cook's voice is quiet, eyes locked on his wrist. He feels David lift his head to look at him, can't quite meet his eyes yet. "I'd never really understood how they were supposed to work either, you know? The whole idea of finding your soulmate - hell, of having a soulmate at all - just seemed so unbelievable to me." He pauses, trying to figure out where he's going with this. "It's not that they don't work, I know they do - my mom and my step-dad? It's how they met. Neal and Andy, too. So I never understood why mine just... wasn't working, why it was taking so long, why it's fourteen years later and my timer is still fucking blank." David winces at the curse, still doesn't pull away, though. Cook can feel the weight of his gaze on his face, still can't bring himself to look the younger man in the eye.
"It's not like I didn't try, you know? I did, I tried to make a relationship work, thought I was doing great a couple of times, thought I was coming so close to that thing that everyone else seemed to have, something real, but - " He barks out a humorless laugh, shaking his head. "It always ended the same way, and eventually I just - got sick of it. Decided I was finally done."
He pulls back enough to look at David - he's watching Cook with an intensity that's almost scary, fingers twisted in the fabric of Cook's now wrinkled jacket and Cook hesitates over what he's about to say, feels like too much and too soon and big enough to fucking swallow them both. "When I met you," he finally breathes out, figuring what the hell, he might as well go for it, "I knew - fuck, David, I was attracted to you from day one, that first time I met you in The Red Guitar. And then when I saw you in the bar that weekend, and we started talking... It was just, it felt natural, felt right. Being with you feels... right." He trails off weakly, wondering if this will be enough to scare David away, knows it really is too soon to be talking like this, putting so much stock into this relationship when it's still so new (but Cook's never been able to hold himself back from going after what he wants when it's right in front of him, figures he shouldn't be starting now).”
(AND THEN THERE’S KISSAGE:
“He's not expecting it when David kisses him, slow and soft and undeniably sweet, feels his breath catch as cool fingers press against his jaw. Can't do anything but sit there, fingers slack against David's shoulders, feeling shaky and vulnerable and completely torn apart by this, by David's lips against his.
When he finally pulls back it's only far enough to look Cook in the eye, cheeks red and lips swollen. "Is that enough?" His voice is warm and raspy, a little uncertain. "For now, I mean? Is that enough?"
"David." Cook wraps his arms around the younger man's shoulders (can't seem to keep any distance between them now) and presses their foreheads together. "That's more than enough.")
So, in my scene, it’s been a week after this emotional, ground-breaking conversation at the Archuleta home. Here, the teenage half of the relationship is getting ready for more explicit action with his hot older boyfriend!
Only, the boys still aren’t really good at communicating their desires and feelings, and this happens:
When David's fingers grasp Cook's bulge, Cook’s entire body spasms like someone zapped him with electricity; he would have flung himself off the sofa if David hadn’t been, well, holding on.
David lets go and Cook hauls himself into a sitting position. He’s panting, hair stuck straight up on one side, flushed pink from forehead all the way down the open neck of his shirt to his chest.
“Jeez, David,” he repeats. His voice is shaking, he can’t even look David in the eye.
Arch belatedly realises what Cook has interpreted to mean “enough”, and that involves Not Having Sex until he can be sure Arch isn’t going to blame him for not being The One.
He knows he has to convince Cook that he’s different. He just doesn't know how.
CUE OMINOUS MUSIC…
FIVE:
Zero plus 3 years
…Ahaha, then I choose to defuse the tension by cutting away to a future Come Back to Me-esque scene in an airport!
I cue the meta: Rolling Stone has this running joke about how the Anthemic’s success was written in the stars (it’s a riff of the title of their third album The Fateful - last month’s cover spread was the Anthemic as Greek immortals wearing really dodgy togas).
I get to indulge in some career things – we see some hints of the boys’ future careers in SEVEN, but I paint them more expressly here – and use CBTM to illustrate my non-linear structural games, and THEME:
The luggage carousel makes the same endless loop, around and around on repeat. The numbers on the flight arrivals board flicker every few minutes, counting down.
Cook shifts his weight from foot to foot. He feels like he’s trapped in a music video for one of his songs. The Last Goodbye, or more like Come Back to Me; something with airports and yearning footage that loops back and forth in a non-linear narrative. Time’s like a deep river, all moments happening together at once, all stories one story, the true story of his life.”
FOUR:
Zero plus 12 weeks
For me, the scene I most wanted to see in Countdown was the one where Cook [spoiler] has his TiMER taken out? So from my perspective this scene in FOUR was the most important scene in this remix, and the one I was the keenest to get right.
My opening lines for this scene almost entirely map the opening lines of Kayla’s story itself, with Cook at the TiMER building waiting for Kim to get her implant. Only, this time, here, it’s Archie, and he’s there to get his.
David watches the TiMER on the parking meter go up (twenty-five, fifty, seventy-five minutes). His unease slides down in the pit of his stomach like the change slides into the slot. His palms itch, his head hurts, he’s not sure whether this was such a good idea after all.
In front of him loom the double doors of the TiMER clinic, its name in big red block letters atop the storefront.
This, of course, is what passes for motivation in Archie’s head:
David tells himself he's not doing this like his dad. He's already made his choice – he's doing this so that Cook can finally open up to him and love him back.
(LOL,aohatsu told me that when she read this scene, she was all “ARCHIE, NOOO, IHY MYSTERY WRITER!”, and I jumped up and down clapping – obviously, my desire here was to not-very-subtly-telegraph how this Really Isn’t A Good Idea, Arch.)
We meet peppy Brooke again, the same way Cook meets her in Countdown’s opening scene. Then Arch gets ushered in, and then, surprise, he gets cold feet.
(Like, he didn’t think this far ahead and kind of assumed he’d get a zero-out and Cook’ll have zeroed out too and they’ll fall into each other’s arms…? And, um, NO, HOGOD.)
Just when he’s beating a hasty retreat, he runs into Cook!
And they’re all, what are you doing here? No, I should be the one asking you that! TRUST ISSUES, BOYS.
FINALLY, Arch’s forced to tell Cook at last what’s going on with him:
David wants to hide from the anger and hurt he sees in Cook’s expressive face, but he knows he needs to explain. “Yes,” he says. “Except I’m not doing it for me. You wouldn’t, you know, let yourself be with me because you think I’ll regret it later, like Kimberly and everyone else, but you’re wrong.” He’s walked up to Cook, fists clenched tight. He has to try to make Cook see... “I thought this was the only way to convince you!”
Which is when – dun dun dun – Cook reveals that he’s having his TiMER taken off.
To the sound of metaphorical anvils dropping, as the tension builds, I echo Kayla’s seminal paragraph:
[Cook] thinks of what Neal said, thinks of the last fourteen years of his life, thinks of his mother and his step-father meeting for the very first time, thinks of David's father leaving his wife and children and using timers as an excuse. He thinks of meeting David at The Red Guitar, of that inexplicable pull he'd felt since even then, thinks of offering David guitar lessons and hearing him sing - thinks of falling for this boy, hard and fast and barely even realizing how it happened.
Thinks, It would have happened, anyway.
…which I make it from Arch’s POV, this time:
“You didn’t have to do that,” David whispers, when he can talk again.
His heart feels so full. He remembers meeting Cook at The Red Guitar, of that pull he'd felt since even then, thinks of Cook’s offer of guitar lessons and hearing him sing - thinks of falling for this man, hard and fast and barely even realizing how it happened.
Thinks, It would have happened, anyway.
“Yes, I did,” says Cook, as if he can read David’s mind, and opens his arms wide.
THREE:
Zero minus 18 months
And again we defuse the tension by a jump into the future! Linden’s idea.
In this scene, I talk about religion, and sexual orientation. Wouldn’t it be convenient if a person's sexuality was actually reflected in their bioelectromagnetic make-up? Also, I kind of wanted the Davids to discuss adoption and surrogacy, topics otherwise close to my heart.
I also believe this:
Cook knows it’s important that they talk and keep talking. That happily-ever-after doesn’t always come after huge diamond rings, or domestically-adopted kids, even.
You choose your own happiness. Communication is key. Your future is up to you.
TWO:
Zero plus 28 weeks
It seems my way of heading up the final ramp towards the climax of the story is via a sex scene? (Nobody’s more surprised than me, of course, ahem.)
A sex scene wouldn’t have made sense in the context of Kayla’s emotional, true-to-movie narrative, but it was a way for me to tackle Arch’s motivation in SIX and FOUR, to deal with their trust issues, and to break through that final barrier between them.
It, uh, wasn’t exactly a chore to write, either.
So: I lay the groundwork for the lawyer-cameo in ONE (note to all musicians, it’s usually a good idea to hire a lawyer to read your label contracts!).
And heading into the play-by-play, I deliberately mirror the first kiss scene in Countdown, all the better to pay homage to how Kayla uses the kiss to telegraph the boys’ trust issues, and how they push past that first barrier:
Please be alright with this, [Cook] thinks crazily, crushing his mouth to David's and swallowing the boy's startled gasp. It's harder than he intended, their teeth clacking together for a second before Cook lets up, pulls back a little so that their lips are barely touching. Stops there, doesn't add any more pressure, feeling the startled puff of David's breath against his lips and too fucking scared to try anything more when the younger man's not even responding, thinking Shit, I was wrong, he didn't -
But then David is moving, fingers clenching on Cook's shoulders and Cook thinks This is it, he's leaving, I screwed this up, damnit. But David's not - not leaving, not pulling away, not telling Cook he's disgusting. He's kissing back, slowly, unsurely, like he doesn't know what to do (and fuck, that's not helping Cook's control here, thinking that David's never done this).
So, similarly, 28 weeks in, when somehow and too quickly, there’s a trail of fancy clothes on the floor, and his virgin boyfriend is naked in his bed, Cook also does this:
Please be all right with this, Cook thinks desperately, and goes in blind.
When he enters him David makes a small breathless sound and goes entirely still. Cook knows it must be harder than David ever expected, must hurt more than David ever dreamed, and he stops, doesn't add any more pressure, pulls back a little so that David can adjust. A violent shudder racks David’s body and Cook thinks, Shit, I was wrong, he didn't, he can’t -
But then David is moving, fingers clenching on Cook's shoulders. He’s not pulling away, not telling Cook he doesn’t want to do this; he's rocking back, slowly, unsteadily, setting up a staccato rhythm that starts them both counting down.
And, because there’s still the Not Communicating after they zero out, for one frantic moment Cook thinks, This is it, I hurt him and he's leaving, I screwed this up… But David's smiling through the tears, soft and sweet and so fucking hopeful, as if every good thing in the world is coming true this night and forever.
We’re barreling off the final ramp now, and as we do that we flash back to Kayla’s epilogue, where she writes:
[Cook] remembers the look on David's face when he'd found out, soft and sweet and so fucking hopeful. Doesn't regret it, doubts he ever will, doesn't need a piece of clockwork to tell him what he already knows is true.
I hold onto those lines and write:
What did lovers do before they ever had TiMERs to tell them they’d done something right? They had nothing to go on, except this.
Cook runs his fingers along David’s cheekbone. The new scar on his wrist from where his TiMER was removed is raised and red and itches like crazy, but he knows he did the right thing.
He doesn’t need a piece of clockwork to tell him what he already knows is true.
And we end on Arch saying, You love me for Cook, because in that final moment the barriers between them are gone at last.
ONE:
Zero plus 48 years
And, ah, we’re here at the cemetery scene.
It’s supposed to be bittersweet – you know, the way sadness is supposed to make joys more joyful? After long years of happiness in the future, we see time end, for them.
I’ve written loads and loads of angst in my two years in fandom, but I’d never written romantic character death, albeit offscreen, till now. (It kind of felt like a cheap shot in other contexts, like a reaching for the easy angst? But it made sense here, somehow.) And people who usually don’t read character death, including my Frack, said they felt it was fitting.
Thanks to most excellent betas, instead of a hospital-bed tearjerker, we have a wedding flashback. (The boys dance to NeilD’s “All I Really Need is You”, which is an authorial-provenance clue.) They reminisce, Arch successfully manages not to cry, and Cook makes with THEME: "We choose our own fate, and I chose you."
More authorial stand-ins occur when Arch and Miranda have lunch with their attorney. And then we weigh in with the nature of souls, time as a river, and the ebb and flow of a marriage that we see has worked after all, despite everything.
"I'll see you again soon. Wait for me. I’m counting down."
ZERO:
Zero hour! And here’s the authorial voice-over: the boys’ theme song, and Cook’s slo-mo toward his future like it’s a river in full flood.
This part is lifted from the first meeting at the Red Guitar, and I replay the first line Kayla gives to Arch:
"Oh! Um," a voice chirps over his shoulder. "Welcome to The Red Guitar! Can I help you with anything?"
Of course, Cook’s never seen him before. But somehow it’s like he’s known him all this life, and, if they're right about the world beyond, the next.
calledmelovely Cookleta remix challenge reveals are up, I wanted to try my hand at making a DVD commentary of Counting Down to Zero for soverignthorn. I’ve seen this kind of thing done really well before, and thought Kayla might enjoy seeing how (and which parts of) her original story Countdown inspired my remix; also that maybe my process might help someone else with remixing for Round 2?
(And, ngl, I hope my fellow remixers might indulge in DVD commentary also, because I would love to see their process as well! ETA: Okay, I think I sold
aohatsu on doing this! \\\o///) [Spoilers, obviously, are inherent in any DVD commentary, so caveat lector XD.]
BEHIND THE COUNTDOWN
Beta by
aohatsu! TiMER the movie and all copyright material therein owned by Jac Shaeffer and Capewatch pictures. Cook & Archuleta own themselves. This is a not-for-profit fictional work.Countdown is
soverignthorn’s magnum opus, 20k of words written for rpf_big_bang. It’s based on the scifi romantic comedy TiMER, starring the lovely Buffy alum Emma Caulfield, about a device that counts down to the moment you meet your soul mate!The themes of Kayla’s Countdown are the nature of love and soul-mates: whether love is a matter of predetermination or of choice? Of course, because Kayla is that good a writer and storyteller, she never beat anyone over the head with her themes, instead telling a linear, evocative story about how two people meet in a music store and fall in love the old-fashioned way without the help of TiMERS (her story is much better and makes much more sense than the movie itself, incidentally!).
I was excited to tackle Kayla’s themes, and to address the ethical and technical issues of the device itself (how does a countdown timer that counts down to the point that the customer meets his soul-mate even work?). I knew the emotional climax of the story that I wanted to tell hit a related theme: in order for soul-mates to exist, you need to believe in souls, and in some kind of permanence of love despite the passage of time and life itself.
Also, I wanted to try a non-linear narrative which the counting-down motif seemed to cry out for, which told the story via short cut-scenes that moved around in time while counting down to the climax of the story. (And, okay, I admit I just wanted to reference the non-linear narrative in DCook’s Come Back to Me video!)
For this remix, I was privileged enough to work with
lindensphinx and frackin_sweet. Linden is new to AIS7 RPF, but not to remix. I was most nervous about my non-linear narrative – I’d never tried something like that before, and wasn’t sure if it was confusing or contrived? Linden helped reassure me that my meta games were appropriate for the story, and worked with me as I wrote my scenes, moving back and forth between the original-story-future and its past, trying to build up the tension in the narrative and then defuse it at the next segment until the story finally reaches its climax in ONE and zeroes out. If you think the ebb-and-flow narrative succeeds, it’s in most part thanks to her.
And my Frack just needs to hold my hand and beta everything I write ♥. (It’s also thanks to her that I can actually spell “Juilliard”.)
TEN:
Zero minus 14 years
My set-up scene!
In Kayla’s original, she starts her exposition 1,000 words and two scenes in with Dave and Andrew Cook talking about getting their TiMERS when they’re teenagers.
As such, I wanted to open my story with Cook and Archie in the past, and what their attitudes on TiMERS and love were as kids. It also helped me work in Kayla’s back-story about Cook’s parents (who met when their TiMERS zeroed out) and Archie’s parents (who split up when Archie’s dad sneaked off to get a TiMER).
Kayla also has this key scene when Cook and Archie are hanging out for the first time, and then the TiMER advert comes on, all soft-focus with the tagline ”Take the guesswork out of love!”, and I wrote that into this scene.
I also got a plug in about Archie’s church. I mean, if TiMER tech was this widespread in the US, you’d expect organised religion to have a view about it, right?
Your destined spouse and eternal family is supposed to be all part of God’s divine plan – it isn’t something that science can predict for you. But secretly David wonders about that. He believes souls exist, that God has really picked someone for you to love for the rest of your life. And if that’s true, then it makes sense that science can prove it, right?
Lastly: one of Kayla’s things was how Cook and Archie connected through music. I wanted to follow that motif through my scenes in this story, and so I started here with Led Zep/OLP and Mraz/JFive.
NINE:
Zero plus 21 years
Prior to beta, this scene was one hot indigestible infodump
My TiMER exposition was recast via the boys’ adopted daughter Miranda, and hopefully the emotional connection made my exposition easier to swallow:
David isn't sure how to explain to their six-year-old the concept of “tiny little metal bands installed in each person’s wrist, powered by their body heat, that count down until the moment of their encounter with their designated soul-mate”. (Words in quotes from Kayla’s Dave/Andrew exposition scene.)
On the tech: I started from the basis that the tech was based on physiologically-discernable data, not a future-seeing Crystal Ball based on psychic things? I then hand-waved a premise that the tech would match the age-suitable people in the TiMER database, and scientifically predict when they were likely to meet (via a program that constantly self-corrected based on real-time info from a permanent satellite uplink).
HEY, IT’S THE BEST I COULD DO. THE MOVIE JUST HAND-WAVED EVERYTHING.
Also, because it’s Science and not Destiny, the tech just matches you to the most age- and location- appropriate person. You break up or get a divorce or just want a threesome? You just get the nice TiMER guys to reset your device and presto, you’ll get a(nother) match.
(As Kayla made clear, people don’t know this at the time of Countdown. Some folk are just naturally romantic and Want To Believe – it’s the diet of fairytales and Nicholas Sparks and Twilight. Hence the in-story general chest-beating when the Science is made public: e.g. Love and Soul-mates: Just a Myth?)
Is the TiMER tech available world-wide? If not, aren’t there Free Trade Agreement issues? Whatever – the more people from different countries come on-stream, the more matches you can get. It’s like 100% online dating!
And on the ethics: it’s one thing to sign a waiver of your privacy rights, even under a more intrusive government, but another for parents to do it for their teenagers. (I woulda expounded on the conspiracy theory that the government funded TiMER LLC for nefarious citizen-tracking/predicting purposes, starting the anti-TiMER blacklash you see in this scene, but Linden thought it would sidetrack the main narrative.)
Okay, I see everyone’s eyes glazing over already. SORRY. Back to THEME:
What David tells her is, "We thought TiMERs could help us be sure about love, kiddo, but seems it's not that easy." Nope, it isn’t.
EIGHT:
Zero minus 10 days
Two back-to-back scenes of the boys, before and after zeroing out.
First, a bar scene with the Anthemic that echoes the one in Kayla’s story where Cook sees Archie as a sexual being for the first time:
He doesn't see David again until that weekend, doesn't even think about the kid until Saturday night, when he and his band are up on that little stage in the back of his bar, reaching the end of their set and driving the crowd wild (people are actually pressed together on the floor, jumping and dancing and screaming, it's insane). Cook is singing his heart out into the mic, sweat pouring into his eyes; it's the best he's felt in weeks, this euphoric sensation, the utmost certainty that this is the one thing in his life that actually works.
He can see Andrew through the haze, mixing drinks behind the counter (theatrically as ever, twirling glasses and liquor bottles like a pro). He's talking animatedly to Carly (Cook knows Mike can't be far behind, then), sliding her a drink. She's got her arm slung over someone's shoulders; it's hard to see through the press of bodies, but they look familiar. A break in the crowd gives him an unobstructed view of a head of spiky black hair, and eyes -
Huge hazel eyes, looking directly at him.
To add to the emotional punch of that scene, I made this prequel-y, mirroring one. Cook’s also in a bar, performing, but he’s there with Kim and of course things aren’t right.
The music carries everyone like a tidal wave, Neal’s lead and Andy’s rhythm guitar carve duelling zigzag lines through the throbbing bass, laying down an electric map of their world for Cook to follow. And Cook does: riding the waves, cresting and falling and filled the utmost certainty that this is the best thing in his entire fucking life.
In this bar, on this stage, sweating and alive, Cook can forget about the thing in his life that doesn’t work.
Through a space in the crowd he sees Kimberly leaning against the bar counter, blonde hair falling over her bare shoulders. She sees him looking, blows him a kiss, and he lifts his hand to catch it.
Maybe things’ll be different with Kimberly. After two months of dating she’s told him she wants to get an implant, to try for that happily-ever-after with him.
But you know that when the boys segue into Lie it’s not gonna work with Kim...
Zero plus two weeks
…And then we move to Archie, post-meeting Cook at the Red Guitar.
Kayla wrote Countdown from a very tight Cook!POV, and I wanted to spend some time exploring how Archie’s doing after discovering that Cook has a TiMER.
Arch being Arch, there’s a lot going on with him, but he doesn’t tend to look deep down? This scene is important anyway: it sets the stage for Archie’s inner struggle in SIX, and his decision in FOUR.
I make more music motif stuff here – Ben Folds, Beethoven’s 14th, and of course, Stan Walker’s THEME-echoing I Will Choose to Love You.
SEVEN:
Zero plus 19 years
Okay, here I indulge my squeeing fangirl self-insert love. I’m not proud of it (but I’m not real proud, period). When I read this in the original exposition:
Drew tosses the pillow back at him, not bothering to get up from his undignified heap on the ground, limbs akimbo. "Hey! You don't hear me fucking complaining." He waves his arm in the air, the band around his wrist catching the light from the ceiling lamp. Cook nearly winces at the sight of it - he knows Drew catches it, sees the grin spread humorlessly across his face. "Forty-three, Dave. Fucking forty-three years old, and then there's my one. Only have to wait a couple decades. Perfect timing, huh?"
At least you know, Cook can't help but think, but he holds his tongue. No sense getting in another pointless fight over whose love life sucks worse.
Drew sighs, pulling himself onto the bed and collapsing beside Cook, thumping his feet (and his mud-encrusted shoes, no doubt) on his brother's bedsheets. "Look, he says, pillowing his head on his arms. "One of these days, your timer will go off. Your soulmate will prance into the clinic and finally get their implant, your eyes will meet across a crowded room and - bam! - true love. It'll be all rainbows and unicorns and puppies, corny shit like that. The end. Happily fucking ever after."
… instantly I knew I wanted to hook Drew up.
Who better for him than my future school-teacher friend, who wants to own a bookstore and live in DC? And whose wingman in Project Cookbros Chatting-Up, naturally, is
aohatsu?“I’ve waited for you for 43 years,” [Drew] says, and now the moment is here Cook actually thinks that line doesn’t sound too cheesy.
More musical motif! I picked At Last as the Drew/Kayla song. I hope you liked it, Kayla!
SIX:
Zero plus eight weeks
And here we are at the key crossroads scene. The first two paragraphs are almost totally lifted from Kayla’s original at 13,800 words in: Weeks go by in a blur and David’s friendship with Cook is becoming something more. In many ways nothing even really changes…
But of course, In other ways, though, everything totally changes.
As well it might: the guys are getting ready to take their relationship to The Next Level!
In Countdown, they do this by visiting Archie’s mom. First, Cook has this convo with himself about the state of their relationship, in the context of the TiMER/destiny discussion and what his other girlfriends have done:
He doesn't want to rush things, knows by experience how quickly things can snowball downhill if given half the chance, doesn't want that with David. It's... different, this time. He knows it, he's glad of it, knows the timers even have something to do with it. David never even mentions them, barely even glances at Cook's (Cook makes that easy enough, doesn't like the way David's eyes will darken at the sight of that band around his wrist, the way it makes the air around them thick with tension). He knows David will never drag him down to the TiMER clinic like his girlfriends in the past have always done, will probably never have a timer installed at all (feels relieved about that, more than he should, because if David were to get a timer, if it turned out that there was someone else out there, someone who wasn't Cook, someone else who was supposed to be with David, to kiss him and pull him close and listen to him sing... Cook doesn't want to think about it, doesn't even want to consider it.)
Then they go see Lupe, and Arch finally tells him the story about his dad, and Cook realises the emotional basis for Arch’s objection to getting a TiMER.
And then Cook and Arch have this conversation:
"I've had my timer for fourteen years." Cook's voice is quiet, eyes locked on his wrist. He feels David lift his head to look at him, can't quite meet his eyes yet. "I'd never really understood how they were supposed to work either, you know? The whole idea of finding your soulmate - hell, of having a soulmate at all - just seemed so unbelievable to me." He pauses, trying to figure out where he's going with this. "It's not that they don't work, I know they do - my mom and my step-dad? It's how they met. Neal and Andy, too. So I never understood why mine just... wasn't working, why it was taking so long, why it's fourteen years later and my timer is still fucking blank." David winces at the curse, still doesn't pull away, though. Cook can feel the weight of his gaze on his face, still can't bring himself to look the younger man in the eye.
"It's not like I didn't try, you know? I did, I tried to make a relationship work, thought I was doing great a couple of times, thought I was coming so close to that thing that everyone else seemed to have, something real, but - " He barks out a humorless laugh, shaking his head. "It always ended the same way, and eventually I just - got sick of it. Decided I was finally done."
He pulls back enough to look at David - he's watching Cook with an intensity that's almost scary, fingers twisted in the fabric of Cook's now wrinkled jacket and Cook hesitates over what he's about to say, feels like too much and too soon and big enough to fucking swallow them both. "When I met you," he finally breathes out, figuring what the hell, he might as well go for it, "I knew - fuck, David, I was attracted to you from day one, that first time I met you in The Red Guitar. And then when I saw you in the bar that weekend, and we started talking... It was just, it felt natural, felt right. Being with you feels... right." He trails off weakly, wondering if this will be enough to scare David away, knows it really is too soon to be talking like this, putting so much stock into this relationship when it's still so new (but Cook's never been able to hold himself back from going after what he wants when it's right in front of him, figures he shouldn't be starting now).”
(AND THEN THERE’S KISSAGE:
“He's not expecting it when David kisses him, slow and soft and undeniably sweet, feels his breath catch as cool fingers press against his jaw. Can't do anything but sit there, fingers slack against David's shoulders, feeling shaky and vulnerable and completely torn apart by this, by David's lips against his.
When he finally pulls back it's only far enough to look Cook in the eye, cheeks red and lips swollen. "Is that enough?" His voice is warm and raspy, a little uncertain. "For now, I mean? Is that enough?"
"David." Cook wraps his arms around the younger man's shoulders (can't seem to keep any distance between them now) and presses their foreheads together. "That's more than enough.")
So, in my scene, it’s been a week after this emotional, ground-breaking conversation at the Archuleta home. Here, the teenage half of the relationship is getting ready for more explicit action with his hot older boyfriend!
Only, the boys still aren’t really good at communicating their desires and feelings, and this happens:
When David's fingers grasp Cook's bulge, Cook’s entire body spasms like someone zapped him with electricity; he would have flung himself off the sofa if David hadn’t been, well, holding on.
David lets go and Cook hauls himself into a sitting position. He’s panting, hair stuck straight up on one side, flushed pink from forehead all the way down the open neck of his shirt to his chest.
“Jeez, David,” he repeats. His voice is shaking, he can’t even look David in the eye.
Arch belatedly realises what Cook has interpreted to mean “enough”, and that involves Not Having Sex until he can be sure Arch isn’t going to blame him for not being The One.
He knows he has to convince Cook that he’s different. He just doesn't know how.
CUE OMINOUS MUSIC…
FIVE:
Zero plus 3 years
…Ahaha, then I choose to defuse the tension by cutting away to a future Come Back to Me-esque scene in an airport!
I cue the meta: Rolling Stone has this running joke about how the Anthemic’s success was written in the stars (it’s a riff of the title of their third album The Fateful - last month’s cover spread was the Anthemic as Greek immortals wearing really dodgy togas).
I get to indulge in some career things – we see some hints of the boys’ future careers in SEVEN, but I paint them more expressly here – and use CBTM to illustrate my non-linear structural games, and THEME:
The luggage carousel makes the same endless loop, around and around on repeat. The numbers on the flight arrivals board flicker every few minutes, counting down.
Cook shifts his weight from foot to foot. He feels like he’s trapped in a music video for one of his songs. The Last Goodbye, or more like Come Back to Me; something with airports and yearning footage that loops back and forth in a non-linear narrative. Time’s like a deep river, all moments happening together at once, all stories one story, the true story of his life.”
FOUR:
Zero plus 12 weeks
For me, the scene I most wanted to see in Countdown was the one where Cook [spoiler] has his TiMER taken out? So from my perspective this scene in FOUR was the most important scene in this remix, and the one I was the keenest to get right.
My opening lines for this scene almost entirely map the opening lines of Kayla’s story itself, with Cook at the TiMER building waiting for Kim to get her implant. Only, this time, here, it’s Archie, and he’s there to get his.
David watches the TiMER on the parking meter go up (twenty-five, fifty, seventy-five minutes). His unease slides down in the pit of his stomach like the change slides into the slot. His palms itch, his head hurts, he’s not sure whether this was such a good idea after all.
In front of him loom the double doors of the TiMER clinic, its name in big red block letters atop the storefront.
This, of course, is what passes for motivation in Archie’s head:
David tells himself he's not doing this like his dad. He's already made his choice – he's doing this so that Cook can finally open up to him and love him back.
(LOL,
aohatsu told me that when she read this scene, she was all “ARCHIE, NOOO, IHY MYSTERY WRITER!”, and I jumped up and down clapping – obviously, my desire here was to not-very-subtly-telegraph how this Really Isn’t A Good Idea, Arch.)We meet peppy Brooke again, the same way Cook meets her in Countdown’s opening scene. Then Arch gets ushered in, and then, surprise, he gets cold feet.
(Like, he didn’t think this far ahead and kind of assumed he’d get a zero-out and Cook’ll have zeroed out too and they’ll fall into each other’s arms…? And, um, NO, HOGOD.)
Just when he’s beating a hasty retreat, he runs into Cook!
And they’re all, what are you doing here? No, I should be the one asking you that! TRUST ISSUES, BOYS.
FINALLY, Arch’s forced to tell Cook at last what’s going on with him:
David wants to hide from the anger and hurt he sees in Cook’s expressive face, but he knows he needs to explain. “Yes,” he says. “Except I’m not doing it for me. You wouldn’t, you know, let yourself be with me because you think I’ll regret it later, like Kimberly and everyone else, but you’re wrong.” He’s walked up to Cook, fists clenched tight. He has to try to make Cook see... “I thought this was the only way to convince you!”
Which is when – dun dun dun – Cook reveals that he’s having his TiMER taken off.
To the sound of metaphorical anvils dropping, as the tension builds, I echo Kayla’s seminal paragraph:
[Cook] thinks of what Neal said, thinks of the last fourteen years of his life, thinks of his mother and his step-father meeting for the very first time, thinks of David's father leaving his wife and children and using timers as an excuse. He thinks of meeting David at The Red Guitar, of that inexplicable pull he'd felt since even then, thinks of offering David guitar lessons and hearing him sing - thinks of falling for this boy, hard and fast and barely even realizing how it happened.
Thinks, It would have happened, anyway.
…which I make it from Arch’s POV, this time:
“You didn’t have to do that,” David whispers, when he can talk again.
His heart feels so full. He remembers meeting Cook at The Red Guitar, of that pull he'd felt since even then, thinks of Cook’s offer of guitar lessons and hearing him sing - thinks of falling for this man, hard and fast and barely even realizing how it happened.
Thinks, It would have happened, anyway.
“Yes, I did,” says Cook, as if he can read David’s mind, and opens his arms wide.
THREE:
Zero minus 18 months
And again we defuse the tension by a jump into the future! Linden’s idea.
In this scene, I talk about religion, and sexual orientation. Wouldn’t it be convenient if a person's sexuality was actually reflected in their bioelectromagnetic make-up? Also, I kind of wanted the Davids to discuss adoption and surrogacy, topics otherwise close to my heart.
I also believe this:
Cook knows it’s important that they talk and keep talking. That happily-ever-after doesn’t always come after huge diamond rings, or domestically-adopted kids, even.
You choose your own happiness. Communication is key. Your future is up to you.
TWO:
Zero plus 28 weeks
It seems my way of heading up the final ramp towards the climax of the story is via a sex scene? (Nobody’s more surprised than me, of course, ahem.)
A sex scene wouldn’t have made sense in the context of Kayla’s emotional, true-to-movie narrative, but it was a way for me to tackle Arch’s motivation in SIX and FOUR, to deal with their trust issues, and to break through that final barrier between them.
It, uh, wasn’t exactly a chore to write, either.
So: I lay the groundwork for the lawyer-cameo in ONE (note to all musicians, it’s usually a good idea to hire a lawyer to read your label contracts!).
And heading into the play-by-play, I deliberately mirror the first kiss scene in Countdown, all the better to pay homage to how Kayla uses the kiss to telegraph the boys’ trust issues, and how they push past that first barrier:
Please be alright with this, [Cook] thinks crazily, crushing his mouth to David's and swallowing the boy's startled gasp. It's harder than he intended, their teeth clacking together for a second before Cook lets up, pulls back a little so that their lips are barely touching. Stops there, doesn't add any more pressure, feeling the startled puff of David's breath against his lips and too fucking scared to try anything more when the younger man's not even responding, thinking Shit, I was wrong, he didn't -
But then David is moving, fingers clenching on Cook's shoulders and Cook thinks This is it, he's leaving, I screwed this up, damnit. But David's not - not leaving, not pulling away, not telling Cook he's disgusting. He's kissing back, slowly, unsurely, like he doesn't know what to do (and fuck, that's not helping Cook's control here, thinking that David's never done this).
So, similarly, 28 weeks in, when somehow and too quickly, there’s a trail of fancy clothes on the floor, and his virgin boyfriend is naked in his bed, Cook also does this:
Please be all right with this, Cook thinks desperately, and goes in blind.
When he enters him David makes a small breathless sound and goes entirely still. Cook knows it must be harder than David ever expected, must hurt more than David ever dreamed, and he stops, doesn't add any more pressure, pulls back a little so that David can adjust. A violent shudder racks David’s body and Cook thinks, Shit, I was wrong, he didn't, he can’t -
But then David is moving, fingers clenching on Cook's shoulders. He’s not pulling away, not telling Cook he doesn’t want to do this; he's rocking back, slowly, unsteadily, setting up a staccato rhythm that starts them both counting down.
And, because there’s still the Not Communicating after they zero out, for one frantic moment Cook thinks, This is it, I hurt him and he's leaving, I screwed this up… But David's smiling through the tears, soft and sweet and so fucking hopeful, as if every good thing in the world is coming true this night and forever.
We’re barreling off the final ramp now, and as we do that we flash back to Kayla’s epilogue, where she writes:
[Cook] remembers the look on David's face when he'd found out, soft and sweet and so fucking hopeful. Doesn't regret it, doubts he ever will, doesn't need a piece of clockwork to tell him what he already knows is true.
I hold onto those lines and write:
What did lovers do before they ever had TiMERs to tell them they’d done something right? They had nothing to go on, except this.
Cook runs his fingers along David’s cheekbone. The new scar on his wrist from where his TiMER was removed is raised and red and itches like crazy, but he knows he did the right thing.
He doesn’t need a piece of clockwork to tell him what he already knows is true.
And we end on Arch saying, You love me for Cook, because in that final moment the barriers between them are gone at last.
ONE:
Zero plus 48 years
And, ah, we’re here at the cemetery scene.
It’s supposed to be bittersweet – you know, the way sadness is supposed to make joys more joyful? After long years of happiness in the future, we see time end, for them.
I’ve written loads and loads of angst in my two years in fandom, but I’d never written romantic character death, albeit offscreen, till now. (It kind of felt like a cheap shot in other contexts, like a reaching for the easy angst? But it made sense here, somehow.) And people who usually don’t read character death, including my Frack, said they felt it was fitting.
Thanks to most excellent betas, instead of a hospital-bed tearjerker, we have a wedding flashback. (The boys dance to NeilD’s “All I Really Need is You”, which is an authorial-provenance clue.) They reminisce, Arch successfully manages not to cry, and Cook makes with THEME: "We choose our own fate, and I chose you."
More authorial stand-ins occur when Arch and Miranda have lunch with their attorney. And then we weigh in with the nature of souls, time as a river, and the ebb and flow of a marriage that we see has worked after all, despite everything.
"I'll see you again soon. Wait for me. I’m counting down."
ZERO:
Zero hour! And here’s the authorial voice-over: the boys’ theme song, and Cook’s slo-mo toward his future like it’s a river in full flood.
This part is lifted from the first meeting at the Red Guitar, and I replay the first line Kayla gives to Arch:
"Oh! Um," a voice chirps over his shoulder. "Welcome to The Red Guitar! Can I help you with anything?"
Of course, Cook’s never seen him before. But somehow it’s like he’s known him all this life, and, if they're right about the world beyond, the next.
