Poetry Slam 2: Ode to The Beautiful Boy

[labyrinth2015]

Happy belated birthday, hopefulgenius! For some reason best known to Calliope, my poetry muse, I made you a Cookleta sonnet.

I hope you enjoy - the classic iambic pentameter was tricky, and I know it definitely can be improved, but Shakespeare is kind of tough to match up to, just saying, and it is absolutely non-constructive to be intimidated by the Bard (which is why I kind of filched this from his most famous sonnet  - hey, it worked for Sting!). Of course, lines and rhymes also borrowed from DFCook.

Title:Ode to the Beautiful Boy, or The Passionate Guitarist to his Love
Pairing: David/David
Rating: PG
Dedication: For Meg: happy belated birthday, dearest girl. May this year be filled with happiness and shining experiences, and love.
Also, for EGL, who apparently has a thing for Shakespeare. I hope this doesn't grate too badly, love; I do hope to improve in due course ;)
Acknowledgement: Thanks again to the lovely motherendurance, this time for her insightful poetry beta!

Disclaimer: Not for profit work of fiction. Fair use of copyrighted material; no proprietary interest asserted in respect of the same. Any resemblance to living personages or events unintended. Will remove without prejudice upon valid request.

Ode to the Beautiful Boy, or
The Passionate Guitarist to his Love

My lover's eyes are open in the sun;
His atmosphere is all that I breathe in.
His smile, the steady course my heart would run,
And in his arms, I find I'm whole again.

I love to embrace him, and well I know,
The fugues and symphonies that lie between
His lips, his arms; I'd feel the music grow
And watch him come before me like a dream.

I feared, at first, surrender to this love:
Thought it was best to live my life alone;
But he reached out to shine a light above
And light the fire that brought me back to home.

I tried but could not walk away from this:
In faith, it truly was some kind of kiss.

(...I think I have Archie's responsive sonnet somewhere on the back burner...! Maybe when Calliope gets back. Edited to add: She's back, it seems!)

Comments

[evilgeniuslady.livejournal.com]

*uses Shakespeare related icon*

My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun? Awww. One of my favourite sonnets (though it always makes me break into song - too bad Sting only used that one line, I would have loved to have his version of the entire sonnet). It's fun, trying to identify where the different lines come from. You have both Avalanche, Breathe Tonight, and Died in Your Arms! LOL I never would have thought to see the last one reflected in a sonnet!

[james-padfoot.livejournal.com]

Ha, I noticed that too. I couldn't find my I C WUT U DID THUR icon tho. I like this its like a collage.

[jehane-writes.livejournal.com]

Hey, JP! Glad it worked for you - it wasn't easy to find ten-beat lyrics to fit into the sonnet's iambic pentameter (although Avalanche is actually ten-beat and hence festoons the best quatrain!).

[jehane-writes.livejournal.com]

See, I was totally going to send Make Me fic over there with this Nothing Like the Sun sonnet, the one I (and, by extension, the fic) can recite from memory ;). And Juliet's post-epic sexing speech: "If he shall die/Take him and cut him into little stars...that all the world would be in love with Night".

*grins, re: Died in Your Arms*. C'mon, I made it into such a nastay sexing fic, I felt the least I could do was to employ it in a more refined manner, in the closing couplet ;). ALL RIGHT, I confess, I am kind of in love with the entire song and am clearly channelling it constantly.

I think I'm also channelling Light On (third quatrain) ;)

[evilgeniuslady.livejournal.com]

Heh. I'm pretty sure Died in Your Arms was happy to be made into a nastay sexing fic, actually - after what David did to it, it must have felt like home. Btw, did you notice how David sings I could have walked away when the original lyrics say should?

[jehane-writes.livejournal.com]

Okay, I have been having this conversation with Penrith. According to a discussion on DCO (linked as an ETA in Something You Said), David, at the end of the song, sings "couldn't walk away". Obviously, this newer, lighter reading made me happy and all lyrically-artistic-integrity about ending that damn fic on a happy note, and I edited this into the end of the fic.

LOL at "felt like home". Indeed, David did kind of take an innocent song and sex it up unconscionably, didn't he? ;)

[evilgeniuslady.livejournal.com]

Ah yes. I just listened to the latest version, and this time he sings "couldn't walk away all the way through. (Couldn't and Could have sounds awfully alike, in my defence. ;) )

I don't know if the song was ever really innocent - he just made it come of age so it could finally show its true colours. ;)

[jehane-writes.livejournal.com]

(Um, I think he just grabbed and ravished the hell out of it, until it figured it would take all of us down as well.)

[evilgeniuslady.livejournal.com]

(whatever his technique, I'd say it worked. A little too well, maybe. Oh David, the things you do to us...)

[jehane-writes.livejournal.com]

Yeah, like ravishing us by just using his voice. Aiyiyi. (I am clearly such a goner, too.)

[jehane-writes.livejournal.com]

...um, also Bar-Ba-Sol? From whence "fugue" is derived, and "come before me like a dream" - like, I totally figured *that* was what Dave means, by that lyric ;)

[penrith1.livejournal.com]

Really lovely. This feels soft and serene like the afterglow of love making. You make Cook a poet and of course he is.

[jehane-writes.livejournal.com]

Hee, that's such a visual: Cook busting out in ten-beat iambic pentameter in the afterglow of sexing! Actually, he totally would ;)

[rajkumari905.livejournal.com]

Youuuuuuuu amaze me, seriously. I cannot believe you wrote a SONNET, that's awesome. This was lovely <333333

[jehane-writes.livejournal.com]

Heh. When I was your age I was writing really horrendous poetry, so it is not surprising that I would bust out in verse at some point (hopefully somewhat improved, in the intervening years).

You will probably get more poetry out of me, at some point. I think I have an Archie sonnet somewhere in here (y'know, a la Walter Raleigh's Nymph's Reply to the Shepherd?).

[hopefulgenius.livejournal.com]

UGH that is so beautiful, seriously. all the little bits from their songs coming through but the fact that it can stand alone, too, galkdjfaldfk it is the best birthday present, seriously. <3 thank you sooooo much! ♥

[jehane-writes.livejournal.com]

My dear, glad you liked it; I seem to be finding my poetry legs somewhat - a bit wobbly still, but am up! (I made you a line using your favourite word!) ♥!

[hopefulgenius.livejournal.com]

FUUUUUGUUUUE~ ♥!

[mcrcookie.livejournal.com]

OMFG THIS IS LIKE MY FAVORITE SONNET EVER. It's just about the only Shakespeare sonnet I can memorize most of (or know of; I'm not fond of Shakespeare but I love this one a lot so I only know (of) this one.)

EEP I love this so much! YOU ARE AMAZING.

[jehane-writes.livejournal.com]

Awww, honey, thanks so much! I love this sonnet too; it's so clever and beautiful! I'm glad you liked my little thing ;)

[motherendurance.livejournal.com]

It's gorgeous, and it looks so good all nicely laid out!

That was awfully fun dear. I actually wrote a poem last night too, which is pretty bad, so I am debating putting it up or not. It's not cookleta, just personal.

See! You are totally contagious!

BTW. Fugue is my favourite word too. Although I tend to think of it in terms of it's dissociative as opposed to melodic meaning, but either way, it's a beeyooteeful word!

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Noun
1.fugue - Psychogenic fugue. Dissociative disorder - dissociation so severe that the usually integrated functions of consciousness and perception of self break down.

2. fugue - a dreamlike state of altered consciousness that may last for hours or days


3. fugue - a musical form consisting of a theme repeated a fifth above or a fourth below its first statement.

Lovely word, hmmm. It should be honoured to be in your sonnet!

Love,
Mama E., FGS.

[jehane-writes.livejournal.com]

In Barbasol, Cook uses it in its second meaning, but he does occasionally employ the musical device in its third meaning, doesn't he? Or at least that's how I hear it (I have kind of a lousy ear for pitch).

I WANT TO READ YOUR POEM. um, please? *bats eyelashes*

[motherendurance.livejournal.com]

Alright. But only because I obviously cannot deny you anything Jehane!

However, no laughing at it's ridiculously self-indulgent general emo-ness, PROMISE!

You may totally snicker quietly though...

I'll post it in a little bit.

Love,
Renata

[jehane-writes.livejournal.com]

*rushes off to read*

[lire-casander.livejournal.com]

You surely can write anything, Jay. I am amazed at your ability to turn poetry into this. *claps hands*

[jehane-writes.livejournal.com]

awww, honey, so untrue, but thanks for this, and the applause! *hugs you*

[tristantrakand.livejournal.com]

Hi! I actually friended you for the Cookleta fics, but of course it's always nice to find another comic book geek! :D

[jehane-writes.livejournal.com]

...um, really? Gosh, thanks! I've just been friended silently by some blank journals, but clearly yours was not one of them. You're not new to Cookleta, right? (I am, actually, relatively, so forgive me if I don't recognise you!)

Yes, total comix geek ;D.

[tristantrakand.livejournal.com]

You're not new to Cookleta, right?

I am actually new to Cookleta as well. Probably even newer than you! XD I just really loved your short fic about hands and i wanted to read more of your work.

Sorry if I'm not much of a commenter, it's just that everybody else gets to say stuff about your fic much more eloquently than I do! :D

[jehane-writes.livejournal.com]

Aw, that is so kind of you to say. I was somewhat fond of little hands ficlet.

No worries; just wanted to ensure you weren't some crazy stalker lol! (Not that I am stalker-worthy, just trying to ensure my journalling is kind of anon.) Also, am new to LJ as well, so just finding my feet round here, getting to know folk, et cetera!