labyrinth2015 | Romance Fic 5, Chapter One: In This Rush We are Crushed

labyrinth2015

I figured I needed to get down to romance at some point, otherwise the Happy Ending Fairies will eventually track me down and jab me with little pointy things!

Still vaguely WIP, so will be posted in its entirety to cookleta when done later; but you guys can get the blow-by-blow, chapter-by-chapter version... Edited to add: Lire has just persuaded me that it read better as chapter fic, so am just going to put the chapters up on the comm.

Title: Avalanche, You Can

Rating: PG-13 for language, adult themes

Pairing: David/David

Summary: The boys, post Manila, romancing via their most romantic verses, which the muse says are two halves of the same song.

Disclaimer: Not-for-profit absolute work of fiction; fair use of any copyright material; no assertions or imputations as to the actual, real-world characters or inclinations of any living individuals intended. Picture, if you will, said individuals as mere actors in this fic. Will remove this without prejudice if a cease and desist notice is issued.

Avalanche, You Can

Show me that good things come to those who wait/I feel alive beside you and all at once I am whole again

Chapter One: In this rush We are crushed

After he gets home from the Philippines, Cook is amazed to find himself in love again.

It’s ridiculous (and exhilarating, life-affirming, and utterly exhausting) – which is why it takes him so long to figure out why exactly it was that there was nothing but white noise inside his head, and why there was this feeling of being inside a huge white isolating bubble, disconnected from the world, which somehow attached itself to him when he said goodbye to Archie at the airport, and which has somehow traveled with him in the plane home to the States, muffling him in bizarre insulation.

At first Cook thinks it’s jet-lag, or some side effect from the unfertilized seafowl embryo which he’d eaten while he was in tropical climes, but the strange dissociation continues even after he’s rested and gone for a thorough medical. When he performs on the Idol 2009 finale, he feels like he’s inside a cocoon.

To combat this, he picks up the pace on the Declaration Tour and charges headlong at the performances, winding himself up into a frenzy, desperate to reconnect with himself and his audiences again. When that doesn't work, he starts to drink a little and work on other things before the performances, and when that doesn’t work, he starts to drink rather a lot, and his bandmates are beginning to worry, because this isn’t the David Cook they know.

Then one night he’s flinging himself like a wild man across the stage during the chorus of "Bar-ba-Sol", and trips over a wire near Neal’s mic stand or his own feet, he’s not sure which, and suddenly he’s falling and can’t stop himself and is going to actually fly headlong off the stage into the wide black void beyond.

“Jesus fuck,” says Neal (fortuitously, not into the mic), catching him before he pitches off the stage completely, and then hefts him back onto his feet without even missing a beat, and somehow Cook manages to finish the song, even though he’s shaking like a leaf and suddenly feels totally shitfaced on stage and really wants to lie down.

Later, in the bar after the show, there are jokes a-plenty about him being so in love with Neal that he can’t resist pouncing on him (or on Andy, except with really bad aim), but the guys are definitely worried about him, he can see it in their eyes, and it would really start to freak him out if he didn’t feel so fucking disconnected from the world around him.

And sitting in the bar, surrounded by his bandmates, his best friends who've seen him through the lows and all the crazy highs, all he can think of is that molasses-slow moment when he was falling into the eternal dark, falling and then crashing down and shattering into a million pieces like he has some insane death wish.

Fuck this, he's afraid he's really falling apart, and he doesn't know why.

So of course he gets totally high again, and then later he's alone in his hotel room, staggering a little and trying to get into bed without falling over his feet for the second time, and his cellphone rings.

“…Take me where I’ve never been, help me on my feet again...”.

Archuleta.

“Cook, gosh, are you okay?”

He hasn’t really spoken to Archie since Manila, and suddenly it feels like it was just yesterday: when he was feeling charged up and vital, plugged into the world and the hyper-insanity that was the joint concert and the promos before it, a wide sea which he'd navigated with Archie a constant by his side.

Remembers, too, as if it were yesterday, the single kiss they'd shared, in the darkness beyond the stage lights, when they were still pumped up from the adrenaline: chaste and almost brotherly, and full of love.

“Hey,” he says, surprised at how much better he suddenly feels, “how are you? Why wouldn’t I be okay?”

Archie’s soft voice sounds like it’s coming from a great distance, although he’s just a couple of states over, working on his new record. “There’s this thing on the internet that says you collapsed at your concert tonight.”

“Huh. How about that,” Cook says, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand a little awkwardly, because the tripping thing was completely due to him being a jackass, and he's not sure he wants to tell Archie how bizarre and out of it he's been feeling lately, and he's certainly not telling Archie about the drinking or the other stuff. “No, I’m good. Just fell over my own feet. Luckily Neal was there to catch me, or I would've face-planted in the front row.”

Archie says, "So what's wrong?" and, swear to God, it's like the kid has telepathy or something, and Cook finds himself trying to explain after all.

"I'm not sure, man. I've been so out of it since Manila. It's like my connection to the universe is broken or something."

Archie is silent on the phone, and Cook continues, "I mean, we had such an awesome time out there. Everything just came together, you know? So I guess I miss that. For some reason, I don't have that now."

It's because I don't have you, now, leaps unbidden to Cook's mind, and stays there.

"Yeah, Manila was so cool," says Archie. "Remember the mangoes? And that weird game show thing? And the crazy TV lady who asked us to smell her?"

And of course Cook remembers, these and other things, big and small – Archie capping his comments at interviews, and singing "Light On" on national radio in his best David Cook impersonation; the way Archie's body, though taller and sturdier, still fit under his arm the same, perfect, way as it always had. The way he'd sung "Zero Gravity" at the concert, and then come on stage during "A Daily AntheM", and had made Cook feel as if he could walk on air. The way Archie had looked at him, steadily, from under those ridiculously long lashes, as he'd always looked at him; as if there was nobody else in the entire world, except for Cook.

The way Archie might be looking now, only a state or two away, his mouth against the speakerpiece of his cellphone, lying in bed and talking to him.

"I remember that one interview where that lady asked us if we had had time to date, and you went on and on even when you had no idea what to say!" Cook says, quickly, trying to blink away the image of Archie’s mouth.

Archie’s laughter then, and it’s the sweetest sound. "I was waiting for you to save me!"

“When you were doing so well on your own? Like that’d happen.”

Archie is silent for a beat, and then, hesitantly, “You need to stop doing things on stage like that, Cook. You need to, like, take better care of yourself, you know?” And, God, that’s just what Cook has needed to hear for weeks, and Archie’s voice is so full of sweetness and diffident concern, that it completely floors Cook, floors him, and his eyes are filling with sudden tears.

Jesus fuck, Cook thinks, echoing Neal in his head, while frantically rubbing the tears away with the heel of his hand, because he completely and utterly does not want Archie to think that he’s so messed up he’s actually crying now.

Of course, because it’s Archuleta, it wouldn’t do to cover the tears with swearing, and instead, he says into the silence, “Hey, I've missed you,” and, he totally meant to do that, as well.

“I only texted you a zillion times!”

“You know I can’t keep up with you,” says Cook, and, because his mouth is clearly moving faster than his brain tonight, “Why don’t you come out and see me? We can’t wait until we’re halfway around the world before we hang out next, the carbon credits will kill us. Come see me, we’re playing Ohio for the next couple of days. We’ll have lunch; I’ll let you try to feed me mangoes again, and then, if you don’t have to head back, you can watch us play.”

The line goes suddenly silent for a while, except for the sound of Archie breathing, and Cook finds himself holding his breath as well.

“C’mon, David,” he says, finally, and Archie lets out a breath and says, “Okay.”

“Tomorrow?” Cook asks, and he means it to come out light, but for some reason, it doesn’t. At all, and God, Cook isn’t sure he isn’t going to pass out from the lack of oxygen.

“Sure,” says Archie, and there’s an inrush of breath, and a jolt of something runs down Cook’s spine.

After he hangs up, Cook lies on his bed and looks up at the ceiling, and damn if he doesn’t feel stone cold sober, and as if he’s come alive again, and the huge white isolating dissociation has all just come crashing down.

And realizes, somewhat belatedly, that he's fallen hopelessly and headlong in love with David Archuleta.

->...Chapter 2: Tell Me I Won't Be Alone

[Edited to add the technical term "dissociation", which I totally meant. Thanks, Renata!]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

epicflailer.livejournal.com

so i was pretty much holding my breath through this whole thing, wow. i love your turn of phrase, it's so effortless and pretty, and i really love that you can write cook's pov about him BEING IN LOVE with archie, and knowing that, and still not make it sound ridiculously girly. and the call, and the concern between them (AND THEY'VE ALREADY KISSED!!!!!!1111 *SQUEE FOREVER*), i love it all. i can't wait for the next part! :D

From:

...though we share the same city, and feel the same sun...

Romance Fic 5, Chapter One: In This Rush We are Crushed

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